Who cares at what age you marry?

Facebook is one of those social media tools that can be incredibly distracting and frustrating. Today, a link was posted to an article about how people shouldn't be so afraid to get married young and the article really troubled me.

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2013/04/i_married_young_what_are_the_rest_of_you_waiting_for.single.html

Pushing past the unnecessarily antagonistic and accusatory title, I wasn't aware that marrying young was a fear. My experience has not been that young couples are an anomaly. However, I'm willing to accept that my experience has been outside of norms.

Had I known the prospect of marrying young was a fear, I wouldn't have considered it to be a problem. So what if people are waiting until they are older to marry? It's unfair to compare current marriage rates to those of past generations because the culture is so different. Two generations ago, college was not an option for many people. A generation ago, the economic situation was vastly different. At best, Shaw's statistics are an oversimplification of the vast shifts across society and culture. It is sloppy of her to reduce these changes down to an attitude change.

Her complaint seems to be that people are waiting until they are older to get married because they want to be grown up first - marriage has become a signal of adulthood. Shaw looks down on those young adults who do laundry at home, take money from their parents, or even remain on their parents' health insurance. It comes across as majorly condescending. What she misses is that marriage is not the only route to independence. Young adults can stop relying on their parents for everything without getting married.

Shaw objects to these older marriages (post grown-up) because she didn't treat marriage like that and it's worked for her - growing up with her husband has helped them strengthen their relationship. She also says, "it [marriage] requires maturity, commitment, and a desire to grow up together" (Shaw). Shaw is not making the distinctions she needs to make. If marriage requires maturity, surely part of gaining maturity comes with the process of growing up. What is not recognized here is that there is a difference between growing and growing up. You will grow while you are in a relationship, at whatever age you marry. And marriage is not something to rush into.

I don't really want to argue with this author, because I think we want the same thing. We want women to decide what they want and work hard to get it. We want people to realize that love and marriage isn't about falling in love with the one and having the white wedding of their dreams. Marriage isn't the end of the road, it isn't the end goal but a beginning of something new.  It requires hard work, fervent prayer, and Bibles.

If marriage is not an end goal, it shouldn't be a top priority. Shaw should not frown on the fact that people use their twenties to establish their careers. When do people who marry young establish their careers? Also in their twenties, at least as seen by Shaw's example. Here's where I have to admit my bias. I'm currently pursuing a graduate degree and planning to establish a career. At no point have I thought that I wouldn't get married young because that would prevent me from doing what I wanted to do. I want to get married. But I don't feel, and no one should feel, that I need to stop what I'm doing in order to pursue marriage. And in all fairness to Shaw, I don't think that's what she meant - but that's the logical conclusion if you push on her statements.

If you're ready to get married at twenty-two, go for it. If you are not ready until you're thirty-two, that is fine as well. Prioritizing relationships over accomplishments is important - but it does not have to be a romantic relationship. Don't get caught up in everything this world says you need to have. In the end it isn't about whether you married or didn't marry. It isn't about your career or your lack of career. Live a life worthy of the calling you have received.