I was observed this week. The director of the program came to watch me teach. I was nervous. Then I was terrible. I blame my students. Under normal circumstances, it's difficult to keep them from talking the entire time. But when I needed them to participate in class discussions as part of my displayed lesson plan . . . dead silence. It's discouraging, but I'm trying not to dwell. There's always next semester's observation.

Deadlines pile up at the end of the semester. I'm currently trying to stay at least a couple of hours ahead of them. My day today has been spent watching scenes of violence from American films and attempting an amateur dissection of the film techniques displayed. Hurray for the study of Medieval British Literature? It's the most random final assignment ever.

Grading

Grading has become a regular part of my life. Students turn in free writes, short writes, and essays. I read them. I assign more. They turn in more. It's a cycle.

I just returned my students' third major paper to them. This means I have graded 57 papers for this class. I then realized that I am a hard grader. Out of those 57, only two earned A grades.

It's a difficult process. A single paper can take me from forty minutes to an hour-and-a-half to grade. It's time consuming. It forces me to reflect on myself as a teacher and the things that I prioritize in writing, which is a good thing, I think. But sometimes I feel as though I've failed them as a teacher - I start to internalize the grade I am giving them. Then I have to stop.

The line between caring about the performance of my students and assuming responsibility for it is a fuzzy one. Ultimately, they are the owners of their writing. I can offer support and guidance, but I can't write their papers for them. I'll try to hang on to that scrap of knowledge as I finish out the semester. Only a couple more rounds of the cycle and I'll be assigning them their final grades - the grades that will stay with them for the rest of their college years. No pressure.

So, this blog was last updated nearly two months ago. Sorry about that. You can all breathe a sigh of relief; I am alive. Milwaukee has not yet swallowed me whole.

I am teaching one lucky group of nineteen students how to write as college freshmen. As far as I can tell, it's going well. There appears to be improvement from paper to paper and none of them openly hate me. The director of the First Year English program will be observing my classroom on Friday. That observation will give me some feedback from a third-party. I'm only mildly terrified.

Classes proceed apace. As the end of the semester nears, so do the due dates for my various papers and presentations. There's time enough to complete everything if I can avoid the trap of easy procrastination. In other news, I've developed a coffee-habit. This habit is particularly useful on nights before major projects are due. I plan to break it again over Christmas.

Here is where I would normally put some kind of conclusive or summative paragraph. Not today. I'm breaking the mold. Insert your own conclusion here.

Titles are Important

It's hard to believe that I'm in my fourth week as a student and instructor at Marquette. Time is travelling at the speed of light (metaphorically, not literally - it's an important distinction, I'm an English teacher).

As a TA, I have not yet earned the right to be called Professor. So when my students asked me in class yesterday (I'm not sure why they didn't wonder before) whether to call me "Miss Hendrickson" or "Professor Hendrickson," my answer was clear. Miss is the way to go. In a nice affirmation of our student-teacher rapport, one of my students immediately piped up with an explanation. He said that "Professor Hendrickson" was very solemn and stern and that "that isn't you."

I offered to become solemn and stern. Students immediately asked that it not happen on Friday, which is when they are all turning in their first major assignment. I agreed not to "lower the hammer" (their words, not mine) on Friday and we all continued about our business.

It's nice to get a glimpse, however small, into what they think of me.

I have taught for two weeks.
I'm spending my nights buried in notes and lesson plans. 

This blog post draft has been open on my computer for several days. I can't find the words in which to wrap my experiences.

Moments of exhilaration and moments of exhaustion alternate flooding my system. Teaching, for me, has been a swingset, catapulting me from one apogee to the next and then whooshing back to the first. I love it - most of the time.

I met a man from Michigan. He misses the trees too.

Tomorrow I stand in front of twenty students and attempt to convince them that I am a qualified instructor, ready to assist them with any questions or problems they may have. I'm only mildly terrified.

Tomorrow.

Hmmm.

It's August 18th - the official end of the summer for Camp Barakel's summer staff. The end of my first week in Wisconsin. The midway point of orientation.

I feel as though so much has happened, yet so little of it is interesting to anyone not involved. I've spent hours learning what my job is to be this fall, but there's nothing terribly exciting about that for you. My weekend is absorbed in syllabus-writing and the construction of a unit one calendar for my students. Again, not very exciting for anyone besides myself.

Now that I'm writing it, there doesn't seem to be any reason for this blog update. So, I'll give you a random list of things that have happened.

I dreamed about bobcats, foxes, and panthers last night. And forests.

I had a new friend over last night. Pretty exciting.

My music tastes seem to have expanded over the summer. Depending on which friend influenced me, I have different levels of gratitude for that.

Finished the Annie Dillard book that was waiting for me when I arrived in Milwaukee. Now I need to read it a few more times.

Still haven't used Skype.

Thought about doing laundry today then realized I have no laundry detergent.

Haven't made the time change. Not too worried about it. Getting up early is fine.

And that's all that springs to mind right now. Time for a return to planning for the semester of students.